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Captain of a Sinking Ship: An Exclusive Interview With Embattled Admirals GM Matt Garber

Captain of a Sinking Ship: An Exclusive Interview With Embattled Admirals GM Matt Garber

Simply put, the 2027 season was a disaster for our beloved, two time World Champion “Golden State” Admirals. 99 losses and a near upheaval in the front office. That’s all you need to know to get the picture of what a dysfunctional mess this team was in the face of high expectations. Luckily for us, the architect of that dumpster fire, GM Matt Garber, agreed to do an interview with the Admirals Club, the only place to get your up-to-date Admirals News and Reports. Below is the transcript of that interview:

Q: First thing’s first. What happened with Quit-Gate?

Garber: I’m not here to, uh, talk about the past. So let’s leave the past in the past. Because that’s where it belongs. What I do know is that we’re here and ready to finish what we started.

Q: As I’m sure you know, season ticket holders have started a petition to have their tickets reimbursed, what do you have to say about that?

A: Well, uh, first I want to start off by saying I realize this is a results-oriented business. I understand that. And I understand that some people aren’t happy about the results we’ve had so far. But, uh, I just want to tell those people to trust the process. We’ve come a long way, but we’re still not where we need to be.

Garber’s definition of coming ‘a long way.’

Q: You say you’ve come a long way. What exactly is your metric of that?

A: We believe we’ve compiled a whole boat load of young players that could, uh, help get us over the hump and become a competitive team. We’ve really liked what we’ve seen from Marlo [Stanfield]. True Stu [Mercado] looks to be a solid bullpen piece. And Jack Attack [Albright] can hack it… when he’s healthy.

Marlo Stanfield delivering a pitch.

Jack Albright taking a vicious cut.

Q: That’s a big question mark. And speaking of question marks, do you care to comment on the reports that fireballer Esteban Panizzi refused to work on his circle-changeup after being demoted to the bullpen?

A: Uh, that’s something we’re going to keep in house. Stevie’s [Esteban] change is still a work in progress. He knows what he needs to do to become a successful major leaguer. And I think he’ll become a successful major leaguer. Whether that’s in the rotation or the bullpen is up to him.

Panizzi’s ‘work in progress.’

Q: In regards to players who will be successful major leaguers, that Michael Jordan/Artie Lawrence trade doesn’t look too good right now, does it?

A: Artie led the league in strike outs last season. Part of his rough time came from some bad luck with that high BABIP, so we think we can help him out with some good defense. Also, according to our advanced-regression simulation analysis, we still believe that trade has a chance to work for us in the long run, given the propensity for center fielders to decline in this universe.

Q: Except for Ross Korosec, who you traded for Preston Broadus.

A: …

Q: Your early round draft picks have admittedly been pretty good, but–

A: Reggie [Reginald Cousins] is almost here, Timmy [Tebow] is almost here, and we really like—

Q: –but your later picks have been questionable at best.

A: The way we’ve been approaching it, I’ll take a hands-on approach to the first couple of picks, and then I’ll let the guys in our Analytics Department handle the rest of the draft. We might have to rethink that strategy.

Q: Would you like to comment on the reports of a toxic locker room last season?

A: Uh, I’m not going to comment in the media about what goes on in our locker room. All I’ll say is issues arose, issues were resolved, and everything is better as a result of it. We have a lot of leaders on this team. You know the saying, too many captains in the cockpit…

Q: That’s not a saying…

A: I think it is…

Q: You just made a few incremental signings, adding RP Scott Blewett and defensive catcher Onil Pena. What are your other plans for the offseason?

A: We plan to get smarter, stronger, better on defense. There are couple of other free agents out there that might suit our needs, so we’ve been talking to their representatives, putting feelers out there for trades, really just trying to get better to maybe compete this season.

Q: I was more asking where you’d like to upgrade.

A: We think we could really get better across the board. Specifically in the outfield, we need to get some guys who can chase flyballs and swing the stick a little bit. We think if we tighten up on defense, our pitchers will benefit. I know we’ve been saying that for years, but now we may just have the staff to get it done.

Q: Mhm. Any specific names on your radar?

A: I believe we’ll let our actions in the coming weeks do the talking.

Q: A couple of reports have linked the Admirals and St. Louis, the name Gregory Nash came up?

Gregory “Little Toe” Nash Jr.

A: To quote the Chancellor of the Continental States: that’s fraudulent information. Nash isn’t going anywhere. Well, at least not to Golden State.

Q: Will you perhaps continue your run of trading for over-the-hill starting pitchers by bringing back Trent Johnson from Charlotte?

A: Uh, we’re not going to comment on that here.

Q: Have you been in talks to extend Miguel Sano?

A: Again, that’s not something we’re going to comment on today.

Miguel Sano waits for the pitch.

Q: The fans are dying to know, what payroll will the Admirals be operating at this season?

A: Uh, that’s not something I’m looking to talk about in the media right now. We’re not really looking at a number we need to be at, we’re just looking to build a competitive baseball team that this city so greatly deserves and hasn’t had for a long time. But I will say this. We’re hoping that this interview will give us enough participation points to change our ballpark a little bit, maybe tweak it to reflect our strengths.

Q: Let me know how that works out for you.

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1 Comment

  1. Tim Imasa

    I really enjoy your interview, Matt! Love the screenshots! Also, it’s incredible how much Broadus have fallen. On the other side of things, I’m looking forward watching my CAP – Tim Tebow in CBL in the near future!

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