BY WILL GRAHAM
RICHARDSON, TX – After much speculation and posturing, The Toledo Mud Hens have found a new home in a faint little small suburb in Dallas, Texas.
The club had been looking for a new home after the city of Toledo (despite approving an expansion franchise in the city), refused to approve a new stadium deal. That is when Richardson stepped in, looking to add some revenue to the DFW metroplex, taking advantage of drunken taxpayers in the process. We think The Toledo taxpayers were more concerned with paying off their drug dealers.
The move comes with a brand new nickname, uniforms and logo. GM Imran, when asked to comment stated, “I am really excited about the move, hopefully we’ll have more people show up to the ballpark who aren’t meathheads. I kid, come to the park even if you’re a crackhead.”
The club will henceforth be known as The Richardson City Thunder Cats, pending league approval (a mere formality).
Richardson City also introduced some new faces in a press conference that will help invigorate a winning culture in a new town. The signings of SP Homer Bailey, SP AJ Burnett, CL Sean Marshall, C Matt Wieters, LF Alex Gordon, and RF Dave Gamble will help put a competitive team on the field.
GM Imran said he wasn’t done dealing, “We are still working on a few things, I think we have a lot of depth and talent on the roster. We are trying to put a winning product on the field and get guys the new city can rally behind.”
Imran tried to offer me a shot of tequila, saw that I was uninterested, took two himself and chased it with an RC Cola (who incidentally has the naming rights to the new stadium).
It’s not even noon, yet. I rolled my eyes.
“I think we’ll be better. Are we contenders? Not quite yet, but unlike last year, I don’t think the team has any significant weaknesses. The rotation is much better, the offense is going to be improved. The bullpen is even better. We added some great talent in the draft. There is a lot to work with here, and 3B Luis Encarnacion is almost ready to play with the big boys,” Imran rambled on.
The young phenom has the potential to be a top-5 offensive player in the game. Kieth Law agrees, “There are no offensive holes in his game, he’s got a 60 hit-tool potential, a 55 grade power and 55 grade discipline [on a 20-80 scouting scale]. There are not many prospects with such a complete hit tool in the game.”
That had Imran talking,”Look at the contract Cano got. He has the potential to be better, more well-rounded. Encarnacion, or Encarnavore, as I like to call him, is going to be something special.”
Richardson and it’s GM are excited to have provided a new home for the expansion team. The owner couldn’t be reached for comment, (we think he was assassinated by The Toledo mafia because of the move).