Author: Erik Voldness

CBL America’s Top 5 Draft Prospects

CBL America, the finest amateur baseball publication in this universe, has released their top 5 draft prospects as the CBL Amateur Draft gets underway. Notes: The odds on favorite to win the Golden Arm award this season, Gleyvin Sternisha went a remarkable 7-1 with a 1.25 ERA for Louisiana State, leading them to the College World Series final. He struck out 62 batters in 65 innings, while walking ...

Roque Vela: Meet CBL’s Best Trainer

Roque Vela was the youngest student in his medical school graduating class, at just 21 years old. A childhood genius from Mexico, Vela was always destined to one day be educated in the United States, and was accepted into the University of Michigan as a 15-year-old college freshman. He graduated in just 3 years, and was accepted into the school’s medical program. On May 10, 2004, one month before ...

Nearly Down and Out, Millers Go Down Under

Minneapolis, MN – The Minneapolis Millers have clinched a playoff spot tonight, despite being three games under .500 at 78-81. A mostly rebuilding FL is to thank, to be sure, but a month ago the playoffs seemed like an impossibility for this team. *One Month Earlier* The date is August 31, and the Minneapolis Millers playoff hopes are fading fast. The team has just lost 9-2 to their division...

Draft Day in Pasadena

Pasadena, CA – A glance down the dimly lit high school hallway shows the light bouncing off plaques hanging near the baseball trophy case. The Pasadena Revolution logo painted on the adjacent wall is fading. Upon closer examination, it’s easy to understand why these stood out. SP Alfredo Hogan, Class of 2018. SS Ken Hill, Class of 2022. 1B Duane Kowing, Class of 2024. Hogan was one of ...

CBL Playoffs: Wrestlemania Version Opening Match

[Author’s Note: The following is the CBL playoffs, but if the CBL was the WWE. Some of it’s baseball, some of it’s wrestling. Pretend it makes sense.] Welcome from wherever you are watching in the world! The day has finally arrived folks! The CBL Playoffs are here! I’m Michael Cole along with Pete Rose and Joe Buck. Let’s get right to it. Ring Announcer: The following...

GMgate: The Unauthorized Vetting of a Cheat

[Author’s Note: The following is my own opinion, based on hundreds of interactions with multiple General Managers throughout the league and common sense.] It is my belief that former Mahoning Valley GM Kyle [last name redacted, we’ll go with cheater] and former Calgary GM Todd [last name redacted] were not who they said they were. I believe both GMs were fake accounts created by Charlo...

Luis “The Iceman” Gabriel

Higüey, Dominican Republic – Located on the far east coast of the Dominican Republic, Higüey is the capital city of the La Altagracia Province and survives almost entirely on tourism, with most residents employed at the hotel complexes in nearby Punta Cana. Paloma Gabriel is no different. The 47-year-old widow has worked in Punta Cana for nearly 20 years, forced to find a job after her husba...

Norberto Roman Continues Improvement

Aiea, HI – CBL Winter League baseball is a big draw in the small town. The Aiea Angels, who are affiliated with the CBL’s Minneapolis Millers, draw an average of just over 5,000 fans a game. That of course is nothing compared to the large CBL crowds back in the continental US, but once you realize that the population of Aiea is just under 10,000, it’s much more impressive. The CB...

The First Annual CBL GM Meetings

Dan Patrick: Welcome to the first annual LIVE CBL GM Meetings! Every team is represented tonight, and thanks to our state of the art surveillance equipment, we have direct knowledge of everything each GM will do all night. We will be sharing that with you as things come in. Please enjoy! Let’s take you live to Scott Hanson who’s running the StrikeZone channel for us. Scott Hanson: Than...

Vancouver GM “Greatest of All-Time” According to Vancouver GM

Vancouver, ColdAsFuck – The Vancouver Canadians are on the verge of their fourth division title in six seasons and what will be their sixth straight playoff appearance. The Canadians have one Tim Imasa trophy in their trophy case from their 2021 championship. Rumors persist several GMs watched the Canadians lose their first series that year, before waking up and being told that never happene...

Millers to Promote Augusto Hernandez

Minneapolis, MN – Augusto Hernandez is almost certainly the best relief prospect you’ve never heard of. The 24-year-old Dominican left-hander has dominated between AA and AAA over the last two seasons, and has finally earned a call-up to the big league club. Last season, Hernandez posted a 1.75 ERA and saved 33 of 37 games at the AA level, striking out 99 batters in just 77 innings of ...

The Development of a Gigolo

Dallas, TX – The silhouette of an old baseball stadium is visible as you approach Dallas from Interstate 20, and immediately it’s clear that’s where Sterling Heights high school once stood. A long-time power in Texas high school sports, Sterling Heights boasted some of the state’s best collegiate prospects year after year in dozens of sports. However, as rough financial tim...

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